i will wait for eternity to be with you-*

2006-02-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

new blog :

orangetailfeathers.blogspot.com

:)

israel

2005-12-11T03:41:00.000-08:00

israel was fun
if you count burning in the dead sea. while floating.
collecting big chunks of solid salt that looked like boulders.
playing cards for 4 hours while in transit.
riding camels, donkeys that dont obey the owners commands.
eating lamb, chicken and bread everyday for lunch and dinner.
going to the wailing wall and hear people wailing.
sitting in the bus for 1/4 the time.
listening to ipod with your friend, only to find him sleeping and not changing songs.
sleeping at odd times and having a hard time waking your friend up.
playing soccer in lift lobbies of hotels.

and of course.
seeing jesus' tomb, the road he travelled, the upper room of the temple, the manger where he was born, going to where moses went, found out how the israelites took 40 years to walk through the desert (sit on a camel and youd find out :P), hearing interesting stuff said by pastor malcom and the guide, walking nonstop and having lunch at 3pm when all you had for breakfast was one piece of bread and some egg. yeah.thats about it.

it was fun.

sad

2005-11-08T05:49:00.000-08:00

tiring.

just tiring.

2005-11-02T01:32:00.000-08:00

pfft. i hate deskjobs.

im never gonna work in an office and sit there and look at a com/sign papers.

wait.maybe ill sign papers all day and be a director or something...

haha

ill go work in a hotel!

ahh

2005-10-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

someone must like me.

chinese

got

moderated

moderated

moderated

not just

1

or 2

or 3

but 18, yes 18, oooh 18

whole marks

i

2005-10-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

i think someone doesnt really like me...

meh..

49 for chinese.

mod

2005-10-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

PLEASE MODERATE CHINESE EXAM FOR WELFARE OF SAMUEL LOKE.

using

2005-10-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

using the reason of more tuition to threaten your son to do well in exams isnt the right thing to do.

[edit]

a father came home from office one day, very tired. His son goes up to him and says "Daddy, how much do you make an hour" . Not wanting to explain many things to his son, he replied very quickly "about $20" . His son looked down at his feet, shifting them and said "could i borrow $10?"

The father quickly flared up and said "if this $10 is used to buy toys, No. Go back to your room and sleep immediately!"

The boy said nothing and went back into his room

Later after the father had cooled down, he went into the boys room and said "are you sleeping"

the son replied "not yet father"

"i just wanted you to know im sorry. Here's $10"

"Thanks daddy. Now i have enough money... ... Here's $20, can i buy 1 hour of your time tomorrow night? i want to have dinner with you"

hi

2005-10-06T05:36:00.001-07:00

macs in the morning would soothe the
turbulent sam-soul. yes it would

mmmmm ice milo in the morning.

thanks

2005-10-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

thanks to friends who
remind you
of who really cares.

"the power of God inside you is greater than the evil that is outside you"

well

2005-10-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

you kind of know
when you're dead.

and frankly its not really nice.

slowly ebbing away. stupid exams

what a day

2005-09-26T00:42:00.000-07:00

you know the feeling.
when
things dont go well for you
after you know something.
that lead to something
and another thing

wow

2005-09-24T00:45:00.000-07:00

when i grow up.
im going to get a cool convertible! a 2-seater one.haha
last night was so fun.

got to sit in jeremy's car, cause he was giving me a lift to church. haha. the covertible (though cramped in the back) was... out of this world?

haha.

overcoming the weak

2005-09-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

why is it that opportunity knocks only once . . . but temptation knocks persistently - an anonymous cartoon character

Michael was the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!
I asked Michael once, "How do you do it?" Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Mike you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. when you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. The bottom line is this: It's your choice how you life your life."

Several years later Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods in his back. I say Michael about six months after the accident.

When I ask him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars? I declined but did ask what went through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter." "Then. as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

When they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes', I replied. The Doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity." Over their laughter, I told them that I am choosing to live and they should operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.

wow.just wow.

fountains of johannes jon and michael

2005-09-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

church was quite fun... in a way for me and the rest.

see.
first.
michael and johannes were wearing shorts, so they decided to
jump into the fountain
"just for kicks"
see.
because we were all going to michael's house
after that.
so we filmed them walking into the fountain and trying
to get each other wet
yeah.
but then comes the bad part
see.
jon was wearing jeans
SO WAS I
but. jon was big
and im just
me.
anyway. they ran after me
caught me
johannes took my arms
michael took my legs.
im in jeans. so they
struggled to get my
wallet out.
but. it didn make any difference when i tried
to struggle. theyre just too. un-me. big.
oh well.
i had a fun time going to michael's house
in wet jeans. and a wet black shirt too.
(So much for dry-fit)

right`

2005-09-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

Nothing new's happening in school lately, with the dreaded exams looming nearby. School's been a drag lately, with math and geog being the only two things that we kind of pay attention too; well not forgetting chem where we try to pay attention anyway. Prefect's has gone back to the monotony of - do duty, upload

oops im going for cell.

ill continue this later

interviews

2005-09-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

haha.
haikus are all the
rage with AC prefects.or
at least with the trans

It has come too soon
Prefect interviews are here
Make it or break it.

haha overall the interviews were carried out okay. but the nominees' hand movements were seriously wierd. ask yan han, ask sam cheam, ask clifton, ask eugene, ask jian xiong.haha veryvery wierd hand movements shown by the nominees due to their nervousness of 6 sec3s staring at them, watching them while they make their next move, whether they would contradict themselves as they try to sweet talk us.. haha

"i give you a scenario, if there were two people who were drowning, me (yanhan) and your friend, who would you save?" --- such a retarded question asked by yan han.so evil! haha

ahh well. im so tired. i might sleep infront of the com.

ha

2005-09-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

even the best fall down sometimes

you know for this past one week
i think ive grown more
than i have ever before
both
vertically
and
spiritually

i guess this week
God has opened my eyes
to the "down-side" of life
and the "up-side" of life
and frankly both have changed me.

i remember last year.
slogging it out in my fours
with fellow friends - nominees
under the baking sun
(MOE rules didnt really apply then)

and this year.
still on our fours
in the beloved parade square
with fellow prefects - knock-it-down

the fun.
the laughter
the enjoyable moments
(quite sadly to say)
shouting and screaming -- some shrieking
at the nominees
louder
where's your sense of
Urgency - knock-it-down
and the most famous of
all - Don't Cheat Your Friends

That memorable night
some of you might remember
when someone collasped
and our prefect "spontaneity"
came into action. i dont think i
can disclose the matter
what actually happened.
but boy - did it give
me a shock.
and i guess.
your life could be taken away like
that - just a sudden moment

Come friday - a last minute
decision on my part
two major factions in my
life. and i guess
i think i chose the right one
even though it was kind of
more uncomfortable
but still
fun
laughter
enjoyable moments

and spiritually too
not to forget that.
the book of james - rejoice
in your problems.
pray - relax - rejoice
im not there yet
but i know with His help
i can sort of get there
im not perfect
nor the most good-looking
most definetly not the smartest/
but wont you accept me?
for who i am
who i am
not who i should become.

prefect camp

2005-09-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

the camp was quite good.
but
8 hours of sleep.
not enough!

and now: in no order of importance - things in CAMP

the bonding
the hit-its
the late nights
camp comm and d.camp comm
the shouting
the cheering -
both for ac and raffles
the best-friend elevator
the sneaking
the bathing-at-ET's-"secret"place
johannes and sujesh being "strict"
the firedrills
the nightgames (where bad stuff happens)
the worship sessions
the breakfast-lunch-and-dinners (which were quite bad)
the strepsils club
chen ming and his lame jokes
the massages from jeremy
tedkin and his oreos and strepsils
shawnquek sam eng and ben for night games1
stewart and jeremy for night games2
samuel eng and his facewash
the aircon for working and not screwing up
and everyone for making this camp
fun and enjoyable

special thanks to:

God - for protecting us this 3 days
trans council - for making the camp
nominees - for getting shouted at.. i mean for being there and surviving 3 days of "hell"
instructors -
suj and johannes-being idiots and killing the nominees
doug stewart govind-my fellow evaluators
ET ben shawnquek-for being bathing buddies.haha.what retardedness
andrewtay-for hitting the nominees and giving them "hell"
szus-so we can laugh at him.or at least with him

haha

2005-09-04T04:06:00.000-07:00

i wish i had more courage. ahh well.its over.no point
"crying over spilt milk"
but what would i give to turn back time.
damn.

besides that point.
prefect camp tomorrow.
im quite excited.really.
then again.sarah's last day
is on that day.
i really hope i can leave for awhile to spend time with
her and the rest.haha
iceskating(:
i dont know.i really hope
MrBongard lets me off.
hopefully
damn.

"holidays" are here.
time to take out the
cob-webbed, insect-and-
dust infected textbooks to
mug.
damn.

passeD!

2005-09-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

CHINESE: 50/100 PASSED!

only one thing to say: thank you God!

dont.

2005-08-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

i want to rewind time,back to those days.

then again
holidays are here.
and its just you, and me, and ..

oww

2005-08-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

owww. my teeth hurt. i cant eat my nice sausage-buns bought from Crystal Jade properly. stupid dentist, makes me wear my bracers for another 3-6 months more (i bet you its 6 months) and i bet you he does this to earn more money. grr. im nearly reduced to eating, i mean drinking porridge since i cant really bite stuff... i nearly died from the ikan bilis from the nasi lemak this morning.

its the time of the day again

2005-08-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

its the time of the month again... (no not PMS)

ive been thinking about the recent Philosophy of Disciplines (if you dont know this, its really really chim and irritating) question.

"Philosophy is to be studied, not for the sake of any definite answers to its questions, since no definite answers can, as a rule, be known to be true, but rather for the sake of the qeustions themselves"

and i realised. life is like that. (in a way yes)
you cant just. fast-forward to get the answer (the end of life; or the big question: what is life)
but rather you have to live life, and experience different experiences (love, pain, sorrow, happiness, boredom, laughter). and that brings spice to life, a variety to it.

i guess character really comes from walking through life - through the storms that break and may throw you off course, through the happy times. and the experience really builds character, makes who you are.

and really. stumbling at a block, a wall that seems so high. doesnt matter. what matters is you pick yourself up, and with help from others, try to get over that block in your life.

alas

2005-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

alas the grave secret has been revealed

i now have to make my way
on a journey...

to reclaim my black hair back.
damn.

sighhhhhhh

2005-08-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

shut up eric. i post long posts when i feel like.

there goes my blogpost.... thanks for the warning.
i just deleted the post. because

a) i dont want to get into more trouble since im already in trouble

b) what if.
i) some idiot knows who im referring to and complains. doesnt that bring me back to point (a)?
ii) prefects/teachers come across this. oh no. back to point (a)
iii) this puts me in a bad light because im ranting about a thing of the past. not that i cant, but i shouldn't... because "do unto others what others do unto you"

c) i dont want to remember what happened. although it was seriously SERIOUSLY quite funny

hint hint.you can ask me for it. i saved it (:

you know ill never forget

2005-08-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

[edit] i was talking to my aunt about 5 minutes ago, and she asked me why i always talked like i had a sorethroat. then she asked me whether i drank any yam cha. then i was like - uh whats yam cha. then she said "Wah! You better learn some cantonese if you ever get a cantonese girlfriend!"
haha hilarious!

okay. today we had a holiday (cheers for Dr.Ong).. and i spent my much needed time sleeping.okay maybe not, because i woke up at around 8... i guess the whole sleep-and-wake-up-early-at-6-for-school thing has gotten into my system. i actually woke up at 6 wide awake, and for five whole seconds i was awake, i was trying to remember something while sitting up on my bed, then i realised it was a holiday and flopped back down to sleep. (hurrah!)

i realised (after my long talk with my parents about the work-experience thing) that i have only one life. one life to live, to serve God, to make friends, to do the right things, and follow in God's will. i realised that time really is short. in a blink of an eye, the holiday is gone and poof - its school tomorrow again. (damn!) No matter how much you earn, whatever you do, money cant buy time, money cant buy friends, and money cant buy time to spend with friends - or friends to spend time with. money can neither buy time to spend with God.

i remember last time, reading Ecclesiastes (or however you may spell that-sorry short term memory) that "there is a time to work, a time to play, a time to laugh, a time to ...." so on and so forth. i guess.i really should even out my time.

so much for this "wasted holiday".

sorry about the essay. i just felt like it

vicious

2005-08-22T03:49:00.000-07:00

today was a _______ (fill in the blank) day. In fact it was a really (_______ (fill in the blank) day! I got back my tests and guess what! i _______ (fill in the blank) them! and on the bus i met a _______ (fill in the blank) friend, and we talked about _______ (fill in the blank) stuff. I guess it was quite _______ (fill in the blank) talking to him about _______ (fill in the blank) things.

its just a vicious cycle

why

2005-08-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

what have i done to deserve you.

hopelessly in ____homework___

321

2005-08-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

im losing everything...

but i know. deep deep down inside this mass of cold hard stone, was a boy, of a young age of 12, desperately seeking after Him, who wanted to know him more. His voice, His touch, His warmth. a boy who innocent to the things of the world. All the man-made things, distractions.

i know you're inside there somewhere... and i really want to meet you again.

---/-

2005-08-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

he aint what he supposed to be
but yet he tries to be
someone free.

i know i had the chance. but i didnt take it.

i want to hold you

2005-08-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

thanks.
for all you've done for me

bahbahbah

2005-07-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

i will run to you...
i will run to you...

well.
its been. another.
eventful week.
sigh.

the up and down

2005-07-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

the up and the downs.
i never knew it was so noticable.
i always thought it was
just something i could dismiss.
as just a thought, just a faded memory..

but why would you care.
you have your own life to take.
your own things to do.
its not like.
i matter.

fondoiasnd

2005-07-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

its just when you think youre all safe, when its all good. thats when temptation sneaks in, and deals you a blow.that knocks you off till youre lower than before.

a turtle

2005-07-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a turtule that could fly. He would hold on to a stick with his mouth as it was carried by geese, When the turtle heard the onlookers on the ground saying, "Aren't those geese brilliant!" his pride was so hurt that he shouted, "it was MY idea!" Of course he lost his grip. His pride became his downfall

dont

2005-07-15T05:34:00.000-07:00

ive come down with the Streppo-something-somethingy thing. or so i think, the disease thats been going around - according to Dr. Benjamin Tan. Well. that explains my recurring fever and cough. *cough cough*.
and guess what. i have lots of homework to do (especially chinese) PLUS a letter to the chinese teacher JUST BECAUSE I SKIPPED HER PERioD TO DO MY BIT FOR CHARITY.
well maybe the skipping bit is wrong, but a letter of apology to her, or i get a demerit point?? maybe i should get a demerit point...

Never thought it would be so tough growing up
Sometimes, I just want to give up
But there is always a little voice,
Inside of me to cheer me up

I guess life ought to have
Tough times
But eventually hard times will bring you
Happy times
It just depends on how you look at it

Things tend to happen for a reason,
Which is hard to see at first time
You won't see it unless you go seek
Sometimes it takes time to see it,
But most of time all it takes patience

Be patient, and tough times will pass
Rainbows are hard to be seen,
Unless it stormed recently.
Everything will be sunny soon.

Just be patient

MiNd

2005-07-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

Think of your mind as a pot full of coffee. Because of what you have put into it, the coffeepot is dark and smelly. You desire your mind to be like clear water again, the way it was before you put the coffee into the pot. There is no way you can filter out the coffee once it has been put inside (no delete button).

Now imagine a bowl of crystal-clear ice, alongside the coffeepot, that says on it "the Word of God" . There is no way oyu can dump the whole bowl in at once, but you can put in a cube every day. If you did that long enough, you wouldn't be able to taste, smell or see the coffee that you had originally put inside, even though it is still there. That will work as long as you dont put in a teaspoon of lie and filth along with the cube of ice.

Wow.

uhhh

2005-07-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

flame flame burn brighter
dont go out
dont go out
dont go out...

choir and band night duties.
10 july - chior
23 july - chamber.

come down if you want to see me in my cerimonials. tickets going at only 6 - 15 dollars. gst not included.

satisfaction not guarenteed. norefund is possible

anyway.the new terms started already. im still quite slow at grasping the fact, yes i am. hmm. and im quite backtracked in homework. i think i have a bounty on my head. like : WANTED NOT DEAD BUT ALIVE. SAMUEL LOKE REN WEI. WARRANT OF ARREST FOR NOT HANDING IN HOMEWORK, PARTICULARLY CHINESE ONES. REWARD: $1000.

so sad.sigh.

""""

2005-06-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

"its not christian-like"

that really tore a giant hole through my seemingly perfect utopia.

its usually "thats the wrong thing to do", "its not the right thing to do", but never

"its not christian-like"... though that comment made me and some friends burst out laughing. ill never forget that phrase..

"its not christian-like"

elle ooh vee ee

2005-06-27T05:48:00.000-07:00

elle oh vee eee

poof

2005-06-26T05:39:00.000-07:00

poooof*

theres goes the neighbou.... i mean holidays.

its so fast. so darn fast. i still feel that i have at least 1 MORE WEEK left! ah well.

thank you Lord for the holidays, and the second chances you have given me. especially that nice cartoon of jonah from the "veggie tales"

aMEN

A gentle thunder

2005-06-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

Once there was a man who dared God to speak

Burn the bush like you did for Moses, God
And i will follow

Collapse the walls like you did for Joshua, God
And i will fight

Still the waves like you did on Galilee, God
And i will listen

And so the man sat by a bush, near a wall, close to the sea and waited for God to speak.
And God heard the man, so God answered.
He sent fire, not for a bush, but for a church.
He brought down a wall, not of brick, but of sin.
He stilled a storm, not of the sea, but of a soul.

And God waited for the man to respond. And he waited.
And he waited...
And waited.

But because the man was looking at bushes, not hearts;
bricks and not lives, seas and not souls,
he decided that God had done nothing.

Finally he looked to God and asked, Have you lost your power?
And God looked at him and said, Have you lost your hearing?

heythere

2005-05-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

hmmm.long time since i blogged...and.yeah.its been really long i suppose.

rather exciting weekend i had,with the missions training.
the laughter
the praise
the sharing
the meals
the experience

i dunno.even though i have been to trips and trainings before, God never ceases to amaze me, with the new things he can teach us..its so.interesting i suppose.
even though our team is quite new.its very nice.to like see everyone laughing together, playing, having fun, being serious.
yeah. its. nice.

just so nice.

accountability

2005-05-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

Life is replete with irony. One of the biggest ironies connected to personal health and safety is that the best time to develop personal accountability is when we don’t particularly need it. Unfortunately, when the need for accountability strikes, most people don’t have any significant relationships on which to lean. We haven’t invested consistently in deep friendships and our isolation often increases in times of trouble.

The Christian men’s movement has raised awareness for the need of accountability, but it remains difficult to develop – especially for men. Various accountability programs are available, but nothing takes the place of intimacy between two or more transparent people who really care about each other.

Our most basic need in life is relationship with God and others. Within these relationships, we can safely discover our blind spots and receive new input and teaching. Sadly, however, it’s in our human nature to hide ourselves if we sense disapproval from others.

Another factor is that Christians seek moral perfection. We focus more on our performance and base our standards on good behavior. Messing up is one thing, but admitting our imperfections is quite another. Many of us have seen what happens when a person within the Christian ranks stumbles. We tend to shoot the wounded rather than grapple with the ongoing reality of sin in the camp.

joy to the world

2005-05-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
joy to you and me.

i just

2005-05-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

i just realised.

sin is the thing that obstructs us from God

hmm

2005-05-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

sometimes a little quiet time to yourself,
and only you and God are there, never fails.

Lord grant me,
Love for my Anger
Joy for my Sadness
Peace for my Troubles
Patience for my Lonliness
Kindness for my Selfishness
Goodness for my Evils
Self-Control for my Temptations
and mostly
Faithfulness to serve You.

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship yours
i open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
worthy, worthy

of a child-like faith,
and of my honest praise,
and of my unashamed love
of a holy life
and of my sacrifice
and of my unashamed love

swaying

2005-05-06T04:03:00.000-07:00

5 days left
7 papers to go

never give up, the race is far from over

did you ever wonder
what rain sounded like?

i did. i didnt want to hear it again.

imagine yourself.running about 100 meters. from a petrol station, up an overheadbridge. down the overheadbridge, and about 50 meters through into a condo. easy right?

the catch is. theres lightning. thunder.and rain that was so heavy.that it went "WHOOOOOOH" and it felt like little pricks when it touched your skin. and the overheadbridge's lamposts are shorter than you,so you may get struck by lightning.

but.nonetheless. it was a refresing stroll in the rain, after a day's worth of stress.

8 days

2005-05-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

8 Papers
7 Days

the countdown for freedom begins

everyday,
its you i live for
everyday,
ill follow after you
everyday,
ill walk with you my Lord.

its so wierd.how this song i used to jump to,i finally understand the meaining of it.not just singing.but actually mean what you sing.

as i see

2005-05-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

to those who are really mugging:

the Lord is faithful and Kind,
he will reward you for your efforts.
so trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding,
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your path straight.
as i look into the crowd.i see people.furiously copying notes.mugging.writing chinese characters in the air.but.theres me.not doing much for anything.why?
i really dont know.maybe my brain isnt ready for the exam.like the year passed so fast, i think i still think its the first term.sigh.

but this year.there isnt much to mug for, contrary to what my mum thinks.
and i have this oral presentation on "the economic value of Gregor Samsa" - like.what does this mean. i havent read my lit book finish.how am i going to critique it.read it. just before the exams.and do a ppt on it.when my mum doesnt like me to be on the comp?

anyway back to the exams. there's nothing much to study for.
chinese: just mug that pink colour book
geog: read notes. mostly sec1 work.
the rest is all. practice (phys, chem, amath, emath,)
and IHS and Lit i cant study for them.
so i feel so guilty.

but to those who are really mugging.and feel down.dont worry.

on the wings

2005-05-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

hmm.today. was a MEANINGFUL day.

all the stuff were super relevant to me and jon la. its like. the sermon, the songs, the prayer... all super relevant. like He was trying to tell me something, yeah...
im glad i told someone about my problem.its like a weight was lifted from me...thanks accountability partner!

then like.i think, losing my phone. is a blessing in disguise.now i can concentrate better on my work. yeahh.feels.so liberating. but.still... ishouldnt have lost it.stupid comfort-able taxis.

yeah. oh. and i was just thinking as i sat outside shineforth.looking at the trees. there were 2 trees, one quite short,and one very tall.

there was this tree, the base was quite withered away, and the top was sprouting flowers and there were lots of leaves, but it was bending slightly to one side. and it was also held up by supports.

so i thought about my life.like how God blessed me like the tree, and how the tree had supports, also like how i had friends to support me. but the tree grew so beautifully that it started to tilt slightly, maybe it had too much talent, or too much acheievements, that it tilted away from the path.it was too high for the supports, started thinking it was better than them. it had too much pride, too much troubles, and its base, the base of its faith was withering away.

so God decides to cut and trim the tree down to size, takes away the achievements, the talent, the blessings that he has given the tree. so the flowers wilt, leaves die, and the branches get trimmed off. it became like the second tree. the second tree was different, it was as short as its supports, and its base was not withered away.

i want to be like the second tree.hopefully.yeah.im still learning how to.

gg

2005-04-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

[edit] dont bother calling my handphone. ...
its as elliot has said. in taxiland.
where all the lost phones go to.

ahh. exams in 9 days. stupid exams.

time always slows down when its the preparation for exams.stupid deliberate slow-down in time.ahhhh.i think im going crazy
its like. my minds TOTALLY BLANK during the 10:00 periods - 13:40 periods. and only snaps back to reality at the last period (maybe my mind has an alarm clock, like. wake up schools nearly over or something)
and whats super strange is, i feel like. super light headed during all the periods that i have a blank mind. like a higher consciousness or something... and they say the empty mind is the devil's workshop (or something like that). bleah.

all to you i surrender, my hopes, my desires, my fears. thank you lord for always being there.

what my mum says about exams now:

since you are still young, your first commitment to God is studies. so if it encourages you, studying hard, is studying for God. so study hard, and get good results for God.

haaaawt

2005-04-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

today was like.so HAWT and bothering. i mean hot and bothering.
it was one of the worst days in your life, you could ever have almost all the periods you take in one day. AND still have PE at the first period, making you super sweaty. AND NOT JUST THAT! you CAN EVEN HAVE THE NICE AIRCON BREAK DOWN!! oh what joy.

but, the strange thing was that. i didnt feel that hot and bothered. i could understand A.math for some reason... i didnt understand chem. but i wasnt that frustrated as i would be (last time).
it was like. god was giving me the patience i needed to get through this, frustrating day..

another thing was that, i thought i lost my black book in the morning. so i asked around. and i found out that, if a councillor caught you without a black book, 1 demerit. and the prefect master would surely want to talk to you. so i was quite scared. but strangely i didnt feel so, worried, anxious, and frantic trying to search for my book. i just gave it all to God, and to let him take care of it. and hey, guess what. i found it. my classmate took it from the lab and returned it to me.

amazing things happen when you leave it all to God.

siiiigh

2005-04-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

"how could i ever doubt you,
how could i survive,
without your love and touch"

the teams for missions are more or less likely settled. indonesia has 5, cambodia 7, thailand 9... not that even.but better than what i expected.yeah.sigh.

its been quite a hectic week.with the major decisions, questions about god, common test looming up ahead.but i come to realise. i cant live without god. and christian living is about like. showing god's joy and love in your life.by being happy? or somehting like that.maybe my idea is warped. (like almost all my other ideas)

x

2005-04-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wonder about his love
Did you ever wonder about his grace
His salvation, his touch
Its so true today.

I've sinned so much
and lost my way
I've no one left to turn to

But he still knocks at the door
Asking for my love
Asking for my love

so i'll say
I love you
Yes i do
I love you
Yes i do

Did you ever wonder about god in heav'n
Did you ever wonder whether he cares
whether he listens to our prayers
i've found out today

it seems to hard,
to comprehend
his love, his care, his touch

But he still knocks at the door
Asking for my love
Asking for my love

ah

2005-04-17T05:32:00.000-07:00

i dont know why. but these words, came to me
after alpha. on that fateful friday night

Did you ever wonder about his love
Did you ever wonder about his grace
His salvation, his touch
Its so true today.

I've no one left to turn to
I've sinned so much
and lost my way

But he still knocks at the door
Asking for my love
Asking for my love

so i'll say
I love you
Yes i do
I love you
Yes i do

sigh

i stand here.
empty watching from afar.

broken heart, broken dream.

sigh sigh

2005-04-16T00:49:00.000-07:00

bullet through the already broken heart.

shotgun to the shattered chest.

i have been living in lies.
all along.

2005-04-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

shotgun to the chest

bullet through the heart

i still need that shoulder.

sigh

2005-04-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

sometimes, you really need a shoulder to cry upon.

only you

2005-04-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

only you can help me.
in my times of need

whoa!miracle i tell you.
just God working in our midst.
this is really true:

i was at 1030 today, after i went for shineforth worship. i dont know why,but like suddenly when jon left (coz of some issues), i stood up and left for class too (usually i do that, but today was unusually early)... then i got to the canteen, jeanne was still there waiting for her maid, coz the mission flyers were being brought by her maid.
we had to make the announcement today, and we only had 15 flyers to give out. so she gave those 15 to me, and i went to make the announcement (actually jeremy made it, gave the flyers out.)
so i was at the back, and i just remembered what jesus did with the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish (i remember sunday school lessons), and i just prayed a simple prayer. "Lord just help this 15 flyers to just multiply and not run out. Amen"
and then when everyone started coming out, jeanne rushed in with the flyers. so i was like. whoa. God works in many mysterious and unforseen ways. this small act has like.boosted my faith in God.

haha.anway. there was just an earthquake at around 635.tremors were felt, and at 715 when iwas home, my chandliers were shaking, so my maid and i wanted to rush down.but suddenly it stopped.haha. super scary to be in an earthquake.even though it was just slight tremors.

thank God for protecting Singapore again.

worry

2005-04-06T06:05:00.000-07:00

whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31

council.sigh
i keep feeling this sense of helplessness everytime im in class.maybe im not cut out for the stress of ib.

Whenever we experience a sense of calling from God, we generally receive that experience with a degree of ambiguity.

Whenever you are trying to discern the will of God, quietly sense the quality of your deepest being. Wait patiently. Maybe use your active imagination to create alternative choices. Again, wait patiently. Sense whether there is peace or confusion, consolation or desolation. Then do your best and trust God.
The Rev. Lowell Grisham

god.please talk to me.

2005-04-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

CHRISTIAN LIVING. living for god
i guess its about everyday living
and like,not just living for the spiritual high
jesus i decide to live
a life that shouts your fame
well. mission trip is in about...three.two months?
and i really hope this team,
will go for the trip, because of their love
for God, and to do his work
and not just because.
oh that person is going. oh
my friends are going, i should jump
on the bandwagon.
but then again, who am i to decide?
God knows the heart.not me,i just follow him

on another note.
schools been very bad for me.
commitments.schoolwork.
chem.physics.math.killers
geog is becoming a chore now.
my best subjects are fading into nothingness
but hey.thats all the worlds standard.
i dont care what my friends think of me, its all right
but then again.its quite hard not to
conform to the worlds standards
midyears coming up in about 4 weeks?
and i still feel like i just
started school
the pace is very hectic.
everyone in the class is trying
to best each other
to climb that ladder to become top.

mids.twenty percent of the
final grade.
one fifth of my mark.
to make or break me
sigh.
but on another note.my chinese may not be taken as an examinable subject for midyears.

gahh.i still see that giant obstacle
the gap in the road
the unsurpassable hurdle of
homework, and tests.
god help me

2005-04-04T06:13:00.000-07:00

lifted my face
wiped the tears from my eyes
with forgiveness in his eyes
he said
son do you know i still love you

this song is so touching.haha.makes me want to cry.

anyway. now the question is : TO RUN OR NOT TO RUN FOR COUNCIL

ahhh.im so stuck.sitting on the fence(barb wire maybe).ahh.if i run for council and actually get in, ahh i think i may be overcommitting myself.
bb,prefects,ib,church,missions,friends,god.
ah.

"Lord,help me just to walk in your path, your will be done in my life,help me to choose your way, and help me to hear your still small voice. Amen"

...

2005-04-03T00:20:00.000-08:00

how can it be, that you were the one on the cross
ill worship you my Lord
ill worship you my Lord
ill love you, ill love you
forever i will sing
forever i will
be with you, (be with you--uu)

how can this be.i still cant understand.
that a God so mighty,
would be willing to die for
a sinner like me.

everytime he forgives
i shun away the next moment
and go off
and sin again.

its really
amazing love, how can it be
that you my kind would die for me
its really impossible to comprehend
how you can just give all up for me.

like in alpha, jesus is either
mad, bad or God

-----------------edit---------------------

just a stupid picture that ariel took!haha
it says :"Sam's Cottage"
how cool is that?

april 3, 8:26, saM feels sad for the 1000000th time running. but hey, whos counting>

thanks

2005-03-30T05:22:00.000-08:00

thanks everyone who came and prayed. really thank you all.even though it was a small number,its not about number,but the faith of the people praying i guess.
well, one friend has settle some of her problems.but still there are more who have problems. so.yeah if you can just take 1 minute of your daily life. 1/3600 of your day. to just say this prayer.once?twice?its up to you, and your commitment:

dear Lord, i just pray for sam's friends, pray that whatever is bothering them, you'll just show yourself to them, and just comfort them. fill them with your peace beyond understanding, for you are God of creation, and you can do anything. thank you god for answering this prayer. in Jesus most holy name i pray. Amen.

thanks really.the power of prayer really works. coz if two or more people pray, god will answer...

`by faith,and not by sight'

edit-im feeling high. go here.haha
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

not by might

2005-03-29T04:55:00.000-08:00

not by might, not by strength, but by the spirit of God

you know when problems seem to whack you straight in the face.and you think the whole worlds against you and no one is there to like.help you up.even your parents turn away from you.or are just busy at that moment.
in that one moment of your life. anything can happen
a slip, out the window *poof, all your troubles are gone.but then again. thats just stupid.

ive just come to realise,that my problems are rather superficial. compared to others, mine seems so.small.yeah...
all i need is just to lean on God.lean and trust him.(so easy to say right?ive been saying that aloT) but.its just so hard to do. i mean, who in the right mind, would actually come and say "place all your troubles and cares on me. i can take your burdens away and give you new life" ?not anyone. not your friends,parents,best friend. coz they're all human,and have problems of their own.

recently,ive just lost it all.from the spiritual high.to the spiritual low.its like.Gods not there anymore.but then again.he's always there (why am i arguing to myself on my own blog)
a friend is now in trouble.a good friend of mine. actually a few of my friends are in trouble.yeah.so can you all just pray for them and me. just say. sam and his friends.thats all. coz i believe in the power of prayer,that anything can be overcome.
like the religious emphasis week guy said. his friend who had stage 4 cancer, all he did was pray out to God to touch and heal him, and God did. and the cancer disappeared. if God can really do that, take away cancer. he can do just anything. coz he is GOD.
so if you can just take 1 minute of your daily life. 1/3600 of your day. to just say this prayer.once?twice?its up to you, and your commitment:

dear Lord, i just pray for sam's friends, pray that whatever is bothering them, you'll just show yourself to them, and just comfort them. fill them with your peace beyond understanding, for you are God of creation, and you can do anything. thank you god for answering this prayer. in Jesus most holy name i pray. Amen.

thanks.

bLesseD and haBiTs

2005-03-27T04:50:00.000-08:00

blessed-come bless and be blessed. how true.
i can say it was . quite a success.
the front desk -cheryl, debbie, mel, sean (and ME!), and all the ask me for chocolate people. you guys were great, bringing the people in, forcing on them the "quite nice tasting" chocolates,giving them forms and envelopes to take.making them feel at home
worship- ohh my..you guys rocked. "it sounds like a rock concert" ..haha quite true. all the jumping, the energy, the words just spoke true to its original meaning. the atmosphere was set right for pastor juliettes talk after the worship, and more so for the altar call.
councillors- haha. being a councillor is a priviledge quote someone i forgot. yeah. really, its quite, heart-warming to see those who come up and just accept the Lord, just leaving the world behind, to just come up and accept jesus. its very, touching.and talking to them, trying to persuade them to join alpha,persuade them to come again, even though its very tough, God somehow spoke through us, and the people, who are complete strangers, just accept and say "where do i sign up"
the people who came-thanks for coming!you all made this event possible. it couldnt have happened without you guys! seriously.

and of course God.who made this event according to his plan.praise him!

and the power of prayer! it really works. what wanling prayed for me. was exactly on the dot.every word of it. praise the Lord, God really showed himself true to me on that day. thank you LORD!

and now i leave you with this message: (ahh i sound like a pastor!)

if you keep doing something, it will eventually become a habit.
if you keep that habit, it will eventually become your character.
if you keep those characters, it will eventually show in your daily lives.
so choose what you do, in order to have good habits, and good character, and be shining examples to the world. as what good CHRISTIANS should be.

he chose the nails

2005-03-25T03:56:00.000-08:00

thank you for the cross Lord
go to.
http://www.hechosethenails.net

lord-raindownon us

2005-03-22T03:58:00.000-08:00

Lord- we need your presence.
we need it like never before.
we need the power of the holy spirit
to open heavens door...
spirit touch youre church.stir the hearts of men
revive us now, with youre passion once again

if only
if only i hadnt told you
those three
words -that make or break the future.

if only
if only'
i just listened to my head,
instead of my heart
if only.

you would still be talking.
freely. talking
talking to me
but now, its just so hard
to talk to you. even
one little sentence. is so
so hard.
i wish it was the days before.
but you cant turn
the clock back.
or everyone would have done so
but.
if only
if only

im beginning to start to dread school and ib.. and its only the second term of ib.

im lost without you

2005-03-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

and i, i, i,
im lost without you...

dear god, help me to talk to you more, and recognise your voice. in jesus name i pray amen.

todays worship in 8:30 was quite cool. i screwed up abit.but that doesnt matter, its the heart that matters!haha. im like now half awake and half asleep. i nearly slept during those long long long prayers of shineforth. must be that stupid 40 hours of sleep i got in 10 days. sigh.

im just so confused.

still i will say

2005-03-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

blessed is the name of the lord
blessed is your name..

after 10 long long long mad days of not sleeping in comfortable beds, having hot showers, good sleep (pedicures, manicures, massages), the "holiday" of mine has finally ended. [everyone go yay!]

10 days of "holiday"
240 hours
14400 minutes
in between the 10 days were
24 hours at home
of which
11 hours were sleep,
13 hours were doing work or preparing for camp
during these 10 days were
55 hours on the cruise
of which
16 hours were sleep
6 hours of mahjong
14 hours for food
5 hours of work
14 hours of doing stupid stuff
60 hours in bb hike
11 hours of sleep
9 hours for food
5 hours in school
5 hours taking the test
30 hours of walking
with grand total of 90 km covered
27 hours in prefect camp
4 hours of rest
23 hours of cheering in the sun
80 hours in church camp
10 hours for food
16 hours of sleep
8 hours of games
4 hours of cell extravangaza
3 hours of theme talks
20 hours of free time
4 hours for pre-camp
5 hours of i-dont-know-what
lots of hours for pre-planning of the church camp
80 hours of worshiping God

this is all the figures; and judging by the amount, about 1/4 was sleeping, quite broken sleep. but somehow, somewhat. god gave me the strength, and gave me the un-tiring effort to pull through these 10 long days. of fun. joy. peace. stress. pain. suffering. hurt. he changed me (im quite sure) through these 10 days of non-stop action. and i hope i would become a better person. really.

ahh

2005-03-07T03:40:00.000-08:00

You are Romans.

Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha-hoho

today. no school. my-oh-my. dR.Ong rocks haha. ah well. the joy is going to end soon. 5 more hours till school starts again.
blahh. hitch is quite nice, watched it with tien gerald joash eliel elliot uhhh clarance. haha... the advert for the eye10 is quite scary.haha but clarance was laughing through it! evil little person!

haha. oh.i think im beginning to slack for march camp. oh no! better find stuff to do soon!

and ill say.. ill say...

2005-03-06T04:10:00.000-08:00

and ill say... ill say...
i love you so...

sometimes, when things seem down. and out. just dont give up. its a test from god.

sometimes, when things seem up, dont forget the hard times, that god gave you. thank him for the good times, the bad times, the pain, and the joy.

always trust in him, and seek him first. then
"all these things shall be added unto you,
alleu, alleuia"

ok im not making much sense. but its for a friend. (: take heart! we'll always support you!

------------edit

ouch my leg. haha cheryls sister is so pro at soccer. not to mention quite aggressive haha. my poor leg.

and stupid jin bumped into me during the game. haha i think i fell the most in the game la... haha..
but we won nevertheless on penalties after a 7-7 draw. haha we won 5-1 on penalties i think.

happy birthday

2005-03-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

haha.thanks for those who wished me. haha and thanks for those who stayed oblivious and saved me alot of embaressment (embarresment?) haha thanks anyway.
thanks.

thanking god

2005-03-03T05:14:00.000-08:00

i thank god

for the stress in life. to build us up as we move on in life

i thank god

for the test marks in school, no matter how screwed up it may be. thank him for the failures and passes, thank him for the flunking and aceing.
(edit. haha i failed chinese! and got lowest for physics. but somehow i topped in IHS i think. and did okay for C.math, coz i passed)

i thank god

for friends who you can rely on, for them to be nosy, and for them to show care and concern

i thank god

for everything that happened to me, be it stupid stuff, or good stuff, bad stuff or normal stuff. i thank him that my life has a direction it is heading. and not downwards in a sprial.

thank you god!

(something important is happening tomorrow, but shh. dont tell anyone. its a secret)

i wish

2005-02-28T05:05:00.000-08:00

i wish. i could have chosen the O'level path.
.
i wouldnt be so stressed, i would have more free time to concentrate on God, and more time for games.
.
but then again. i wouldnt have met Mr.Azmi, or FerdinandQuek, or Mrs.Sushila. (or was that a miss?). i wouldnt have faced all these trials and temptations and learned lessons.

i wish i could have not chosen the GEP path.
.
i wouldnt be so, sad. i wouldnt be so stressed, then i would be able to concentrate on a sport and a UYO. i would have put more time into church and personal QT.
.
then again. i wouldnt have made such great friends (tien, javis, fab, ding and others). i most probably would not have the determination to study if i wasnt in GEP. most probably would not have gotten into ACSI. most probably would have strayed off the path of God.

i wish i hadnt told. i wish i hadnt done a lot of bad things that i have done. but then again. you cant turn back the clock, there is no way to look back and change what you have already done. i just hope what i choose in the future, is what God wants me to do.

so i guess i AM quite happy to be where i am. but i still cant stop dreaming about what life would be like. on the other side. (i wish i could just concentrate)
.
as they say the grass is always greener on the other side

emptyness

2005-02-27T04:03:00.000-08:00

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and its righteousness
then all these things will be added unto you

--[edit]---
one word: lonliness

how the mighty stay aloft. no way

2005-02-24T04:19:00.000-08:00

if only. only you would. would talk. talk to me. me again.

gahh. cheering today at yio chu kang stadium proved to be quite. fun. for some reason. missing some time for myself either to play tennis or to stone. but bothering to take a taxi (rushing from my house, i forgot my bag) to Yio Chu Kang stadium only to see... us win. (: at least we won. 3 - 2 over ri. hopefully Dr. Ong gives us a holiday for that. haha...
seeing that its acadamic awards day on monday, founders day on tuesday. hopefully with 2 golds from badminton, we get a holiday on wednesday.

oh. which reminds me. i have to wear my blazer and long see-thru pants on monday, and tuesday... haha ill be quite smelly if i dont get to wash those clothes! then on thursday i have to wear the blazer again! dAMN.stupid life science symposium... sigh.

haha.its quite funny. i think im gonna fail my super-easy physics test!! the first test in the year, my teacher goes through the questions, and im going to fail it. sighhh. tomorrows the un-studyable chinese test. and the super-difficult to remember IHS test. oh boy. my parents are gonna kill me when i get my results back. hopefully the daily work pulls me up to scrape passes in IP year 3... haha ill be the first one to be kicked out of the IP programme la...

Sleepy

2005-02-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

sleepy.

zz

zz
zzz
zzz
zzzz
stupid man u match. waste my time watching...

i would rather sleep 1 more hour than see man u lose to ac milan.grr

MAN UTD 0 AC MILAN 1!!! woohoo!!! -daniel

grr.stupid daniel.its lang arts b now, and we're all in the nice library... (: and its FREE TIME ...

later i have to go to prefects cheering session at yio chu kang.

this is not a good day =/

silent

2005-02-22T04:47:00.000-08:00

silent tears.

depreeeees

2005-02-21T04:31:00.000-08:00

haha i have this wierd dream about dying and i see myself leaving my body. hmm. maybe its just that im too tired in class...

wierd dreams of just giving up.... sigh i need more sleep.

change

2005-02-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

i would gladly change lives with a NON-gep person. gladly. anyday.

a

2005-02-16T05:12:00.000-08:00

: valentines day is fun..especially when u give people things..u feel happy about urself...hehe...

quote of someone's blog.

i quite disagree.

-----------------------edit----------------------------------

i want to go back to thailand now.sigh.

run away from the troubles of your life
run away from all the worries and cares of singapore hectic life
run away from all the homework, tests, teachers
run away from the social system
run away from your past.
run to your future.
run to a bright life, starting anew
run to a place where social standards do not care much

its my utopia.

but then again....i guess.thats not how it works

unto all that i am

2005-02-14T04:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes its hard,
for me to understand
why we move away from each other
so easily even though
we're walking the same road
we build dividing walls
between each other
and ourselves.

i must try to be friendlier, and more sociable?

anyway. happy Valentine's Day.
may all your wishes come true. and trust in the lord

the love

2005-02-13T20:35:00.000-08:00

trust in the Lord with all your heart

Whats up with me?

2005-02-11T21:28:00.000-08:00

whats up with me
i feel. so irritable these days.
i-r-r-i-t-a-b...le

its like. ahh. i feel different. like
ive changed. ALOT. from nice, to skepitcal and moody.
from friendly to un-sociable and
just so different.

valentines

2005-02-07T04:56:00.000-08:00

Valentines day, prefects investiture. what a way to celebrate

.........Valentine......valentinE.
....please can you be my valentine
....the time to express ones love
......to each other with cards and
.......love chocolate and flowers
..........each year passes by
...............lonely and sad
...................but this
......................time.
........................is

different. ValentinEs. it can either be joyous. or eternally and forever more lonely.

the poem that struck me

2005-01-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

i donno why but this poem struck me. its by GH, my schoolmate

The Boy sits in his room on the 9th floor, alone.
A room with one window and a door, both locked from the outside.
One table, one chair.
A stack of papers on the table.
More appearing everyday.
No matter how much he tries to finish it.
More always comes.

Sometimes a special paper comes,
The worst of its kind,
He has to finish it within an hour or two,
For fear of failing it completely.

Every year, if he passes,
He moves up to the next level,
Yet the work becomes harder and harder,
The time limits shorter and shorter.

Sweat drenches his face,
His breathing comes in short gasps,
For the first few years all had been well,
He was able to bear the burden with a smile,
Then the papers started increasing and increasing,
More papers, shorter deadlines, no time to rest.
His friends shout his name outside the window,
But he ignores them, forcing himself to concentrate,
They shout louder and louder,
But he ignores them still,
And waits for them to go away.

His parents open the door sometimes,
They come in and encourage him, to help him,
But then they have to leave, and lock the door behind them.
“Why?” The Boy asks.
“For your own good” His parents reply sadly,
And they leave him in the darkness and the silence.

He studies for his Future,
So he can get a good job,
So he can get a good family,
So he can get a good car,
A lawn-mower.

He grows up and gets all that,
“I studied for my Future,” He says proudly.
“My parents encouraged me” He says.
But when people ask him about his Childhood,
He can only shake his head in confusion,
Look down and stare at his feet,
And he cannot answer.

flower in the wind

2005-01-31T20:13:00.000-08:00

i am, a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow.
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind

still you, here me when im calling
catch me when im falling.

the emptyness in my being
when i look out the window.
i cant fill the gap. no i cant
its so hard to wait.
but i guess
i have to.

sigh., i still havent taken that bike ride or walk yet.

i finished 2 out of 8 HOMEWORK remaining. i feel so. happy for myself. its just temporary. but i still feel this sense of... happyness.

|| breathe on me ||

2005-01-30T04:00:00.000-08:00

And i, I'm desperate for you
And i, I'm lost without you

Okok. im feeling better now. thanks everyone for their concern... better but not yet good. haha but im not sick anymore! only a bit of cough. haha.siiiigh. but very stressed coz of the workload of ib. sigh. i need better time management. and i still need to go for that bike ride

holding`onnN

2005-01-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

haha. stupid thoughts in my head.
make them go away
now i have to concentrate
on the homework set ahead.
(random thoughts that rhyme. cool)

haha. according to jon.. "take a walk".
haha im not that free. but ill take a bike ride. haha.
every 6 pm. around old holland road.
see you there.

ps. im joking about the see you there. if you didnt know

[ work and p l a y ]

2005-01-25T20:48:00.000-08:00

remember the saying
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all play and no work makes jack a _____
some say dumb boy
some say playboy
but now.
playboy, dumbboy, dullboy. i dont care
play work. all dont concern me.
i think for me.its about
WORK + PLAY + ALL WORLDLY STUFF
balancing out with
GOD

so its
all work and play makes sam a BADboy
but God before work and play makes sam a goodboy
haha. antibiotics making me wierd and random.makes me think back to thailand when i was taking the panadol extra haha. siiiigh, i wish i was back there. without worries and troubles and the only trouble was whether the presentation or game would be good enough for the kids there. and whether we were going to eat lunch or dinner. siiiigh.

Fitting pieces of me.

2005-01-24T21:16:00.000-08:00

this is the last time i change my blog.

Fitting pieces of me. broken heart.
a broken life.
god's helping now. to
piece back the pieces that were torn
apart by sin.

Thanks all those who cared, and are caring.thanks for the encouragment and stuff. ill try to show more happy moods.

-dReaMx=BaD-

2005-01-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

boulevard of broken dreams.
hmm how nice the layout. since i was listening to it like 10000 times in shanghai. haha i wanted the cookie one. but it wouldnt fit. anyway...
sinning = bad
confessing = good
sinning and confessing and then sinning again = bad
haha. i learnt my lesson...
ill try to control the temptation. run away from it.
coz
God wont tempt you beyond what you can bear

anyway. i gotta sleep early. im sick
and theres prefect fall-in tomorrow.
7 am. sigh. ill be screwed if im late. haha probably sleep around 9 plus. so early :(

[]

2005-01-22T08:44:00.000-08:00

sick.
shanghais a breeding ground for sickness
stupid CHINa. come back and first thing,
im sick. horribly sick
i hate to be sick. cant sleep.
so hard to breathe, constricting pains
ahh forget it. im going to the doctor soon
stupidstupidstupid.now i cant play soccer.

Say So

2005-01-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

Tell me the sotry of Jesus;
Write on my heart every word;
Tell me the story most precous;
Sweetest that ever was heard!

Let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to his name Hebrews 13:15

Lord i have sinned in a way that i did not want to. im sorry lord. please forgive me.

Amen,

whee.

2005-01-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

im a PWEE-fect. Pweefect with TIE NOW. and badge AND COLLAR PIN. i feel so COMPLETE. ahhh the joy. of being a prefect with a tie. now i no longer need to be so sad. but im still sad la. but not too sad now :)

siiigh

2005-01-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

我永远都会爱你

confused.da-
zed. at life
and the many
mysteries. the big
bang theory and evolution
theory. how maths-and-
science is supposed to
solve everything
but they cannot solve
a simple
thing like
love.
or how it cant
solve friendships.
god is the only way.
coz where there
seems to be no
way. he
will work in ways
that we cannot see
and he will
make
a
way for
me

Its over.

2005-01-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

paul. its o
over. Long time
AGO was over.
i dont know what
made it that way
but its over.
O-V-E-R.
you and i werent
meant to last.
sorry.
real sorry
but. its over.
stop trying
to make it happen
Sorry. sorry im
posting about it.
but yeah. please stop.
we can be friends
but not the way
it used to be...

i will wait for eternity to be with you-*

israel

sad

ahh

i

mod

using

hi

thanks

well

what a day

wow

overcoming the weak

fountains of johannes jon and michael

right`

interviews

ha

prefect camp

haha

passeD!

dont.

oww

its the time of the day again

alas

sighhhhhhh

you know ill never forget

vicious

why

321

---/-

i want to hold you

bahbahbah

the up and down

fondoiasnd

a turtle

dont

MiNd

uhhh

""""

elle ooh vee ee

poof

A gentle thunder

heythere

accountability

joy to the world

i just

hmm

swaying

8 days

as i see

on the wings

gg

haaaawt

siiiigh

x

ah

sigh sigh

sigh

only you

worry

...

thanks

not by might

bLesseD and haBiTs

he chose the nails

lord-raindownon *us*

im lost without you

still i will say

ahh

and ill say.. ill say...

happy birthday

thanking god

i wish

emptyness

how the mighty stay aloft. no way

Sleepy

silent

depreeeees

change

a

lord-raindownon us

[]